Critique Needed 8

I haven’t done this in a while so I would kindly ask of you to notify me about the stories you like and those that haven’t synced in with you. This is one of the ways I try to learn more about writing, see what people out there like and don’t so I can moderate my style and become better at what I do. A little heads up: I am not including all of the stories, just those I made in regular timeline. I’ll present you the stories that weren’t planned for days or weeks. If you have time and you’d like to help, please take a look at the list down below and leave a comment.

Rocket Sky

A contemporary fiction/thriller/drama about war in Syria and family love.

Stars for sale

A deep SciFi about an old man working in the antiquate shop, but it turns out it’s a scammer.

Deep web spider (Full)

A techno noir fiction about first contact with an alien life form via internet that made many agencies worried, but with a happy ending.

Jax ran away

A contemporary military fiction about love between the man and a service dog.

Dust of Gliza (Full)

A futuristic/epic/cyberpunk fantasy about a Heretic Knight finding the roots of who is he. Long-read story I plan to make int a novel.

Battle Wings (Full)

A distopian cyberpunk inspired by my first novel. An tribute to my loyal Readers I call Commanders.

Dead Hero

Salvaged story about the deserter who decided to portray himself a hero on his ‘before execution’ trip.

Dad’s old blaster

Salvaged story about the burden of a veteran seeing his son going to war.

Girl on the window

Salvaged story about love in time of bombing.

Matochian Thieves

Salvaged story about spy infiltration into the government via city’s policy to steal from other cities.

A love case

Salvaged story about a detective getting into the spy trap that is his marriage.


Salvaged story about vivid picture of death in combat.


Salvaged story about the Sultan finding out that his subordinates are working against him.

Ildocian Kiss

Salvaged story about the bio-weapon intended to plague the enemy.

Freedom Fighter

Salvaged story about pondering on terrorism and perspective on it.

Red Flag

Salvaged story about boot camp training and correlation between loss and victory.

King’s Tears

Salvaged story about meaning of being a King and the actions he has to take to secure the ‘good’ rule over his forces.

These are the stories I did for the last two/three months. You’ll see that few of them are quite long and in parts, so one story could be a package of 7 parts written in a week. I’ll take any critique you give me, and rest assure I will take your suggestions in strong consideration.

There isn’t much I can say except Happy reading.


Facebook & Twitter social links where you can find me.

25 thoughts on “Critique Needed 8

  1. Dust of gliza i felt i was missing out a bit. In the first 6 or 7 paragraphs you quite quickly introduce this whole new world with so many different elements and I found myself wanting to slow down a bit and Noah little more about each one because I was having to put it all together in my head quite quickly.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Jax: there are issues with tense (switching btn past and present tense in the wrong places), but it’s a great story.
    Stars for Sale: once again, a great story, but how is he going to be able to stay in business – may need to be more clear about the guy who spends the extra money on the star that isn’t worth what the one that just left was.
    It may be me not picking up the right moment to understand the sleight of hand, but clarity is always a good thing.
    But don’t take my word for it – ask as many people as you can.

    Liked by 1 person

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