Critique Needed 7

Hey y’all. As you already know, here are my past stories for review and critique. You may list a few you like and a few you don’t. This helps me see how my skills are growing. If you are busy doing something, you don’t need to do this, but I will appreciate it if you did.

Gods don’t bleed (Full)

(cyberpunk, military) A team encounters a powerful alien that is looking for his child.

Bank Robber

(comedy, contemporary) A man is falsely accused of robing a bank and it turns out he is in love with a teller.

Running water

(cyberpunk, futuristic, apocalyptic) A couple of people stare at the mesmerizing image of the Earth, remembering the world was whole.


(military, contemporary, inverse dimension) An alien warrior comes back home form the mission on Earth.

Vanishing Storm

(military, paranormal) A soldiers is being picked up by the member of his squad and saved from the ghost plain.

Robot Talk

(technological, contemporary) Two computer AI talk about the purpose of the humanity.

Defiance of the few (+18)

(military, contemporary, futuristic) A leader of rebellion is being strangled to death.

The Flag

(apocalyptic, military) A General realizes the reason the enemy fights the war.

Rise to lead

(military, contemporary) A rogue General is being taken down from power.

Stillborn (Full)

(sci fi, military, futuristic) A saboteur working for human race is having moral problems with his duties.

The Temple of War (Full)

(fantasy, military) A soldier is going through war and finds ethics in fighting the right cause.

Not what you think

(futuristic, life) An old veteran finds comfort in sleeping with fem-bots as a substitute for his late wife.

The Riot

(futuristic, cyberpunk) Two policemen discus the mortality and the purpose of life.

Bishop takes the Queen

(military, mystery, contemporary) A Russian cell operating in the USA government is cutting loose ends.

Counting the days

(dystopian, contemporary, military) A Serbian man lives in the desolated Belgrade.

Helions Strike Back

(sci fi, military, paranormal) The whole human army is destroyed by the powerful alien race mid battle.

There it is. That is all I wrote for past two months. I hope the short clarification is useful for you to recall the stories and the motives I used. Now it’s your turn. Kitten read them all.


Dronstad Kitten

Facebook & Twitter links you guys craved for the passed few days.


14 thoughts on “Critique Needed 7

  1. Bank Robber is nice one…I didn’t get a bit this one:
    – You’ve said that already. I wasn’t there to rob a bank. – I kept repeating myself, but the didn’t had ears for my apologetic words.
    I mean a bit difficult. And why the guy is so ashamed? Is he shy?…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I had a look at Helios, and apart from a minor issue with POV (who’s telling the story, who’s head are we in), it reads well. I can’t say smooth, but smooth isn’t what you want.
    If the POV was consistent (and human) we could experience the fear of all humans through him/her.
    Overall, a great story, worthy of extension.

    Liked by 1 person

      • Short pieces are better from one POV only; I’m assuming this will become a longer piece, but would still prefer the POV to remain (mostly) human and for only one POV per scene (even if the scenes have to be short – that would be okay for fast-paced action/military works); this allows us (fellow humans) to experience the fear of the situation.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Oh, I see. It gets more personal and up close. 😀 I need to learn to stick to one thing and hold on to it instead to chase other perspectives. 😀 I agree with your statement. Thanks for letting me see that. 😀

        Liked by 1 person

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