Critique needed 5

Here I ask again for my readers to evaluate my work and give me their honest opinions, suggestions – critique. I list my stories and ask for you to shoot me a comment. I welcome every word you have to say about my current progress. The opinions about my storytelling skills, level of english language, style of writing and other things is what I want you to express yourself on. Please don’t hold back from using your language as I wasn’t taking those personally, but more of a constructive suggestions. Yes, suggestions about my writing and future topics are also welcome, so feel free to list those too.

It is my honor to write for you people, and I will keep doing that until you ask me to stop, but me being me, I will probably keep writing. Enjoy my brethren in quill.

First impact

Building a planet

Lovely woman

Red Beast

Age of stone men

Black cloth

Rusty heart

Green Lords

Grey clouds over humanity

Paths of Uknar-dur

Dance of Masks (Full)

Shadow Star


Lover in the sky

Bliss for four people

Galacta Niner (Full)


Nick the Red (Full)

Big Deal

These are from the past month. If too confusing, you may just list few stories you liked, or describe one of the scenes that stayed in your memory. I know from what story the scene is, as I wrote the damn thing. Your critique is a very valuable to me. It helps me grow and see what is good in my writing. I also can see what sort of stories should I write more and what topics to stay away from.

Thank you very much for your help, friend. I hope I can do the same for you, if you ask for it.

Β Reservation


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34 thoughts on “Critique needed 5

  1. Okay I am not great at critique, and I think cagedunn makes a lot of great points. I;ve read quite a lot of your stuff and I think you have some great ideas and obviously having to translate things adds a layer of complexity that must be really tricky to deal with.

    When I read I am looking for something firstly that scans well. I need it to not feel like a daunting task. Think of those posts that are just a mass of text. The content may be fab but I am often put off by the task. I will scroll down to see how long the piece is and try work out whether I have time to read it. Sometimes thats as far as I get with some blogs because I’m not massively resilient.
    I think you have some great ideas, your scenarios are always well thought out and I get the feel you are aiming for.
    I do struggle at times to work out what is speech and what is narration and do have to revisit things on occasion.

    That said I just really like how passionate you are. Would be interesting to see whether you could take one piece and try and work it and work it to a point of perfection in your eyes. Might mean you write less that week but so be it.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. One major thing:
    POV and Scene changes (how to avoid head-hopping and throwing your reader out of the story).
    If any of the following change – in the head of (POV character), time, place (even moving through a setting can change the scene and become a sequence of scenes
    (car chase internal to car is one scene; car chase through various locations with baddies doing stuff is a sequel) if [see later: scene structure])
    this equals a change of scene. When a change of scene happens, leave space between them to enable a reader to visually understand the difference. yes, it clicks our brain.
    Scene structure: there are two main scene structures. The first one is the scene with a goal: what does the POV character for this scene need/want to achieve by the end? What stands in his way? and how does it end (usually not the best, unless you’re at the end of the story). The second structure is the reaction to the first structure: how does he respond to the failure/disaster at the end of the previous scene? What choices does he have? Are they all bad? Can he choose the least bad? And what does he finally do/decide? this end point then becomes the goal for the next scene (that this POV character plays, unless the answers to his questions are undertaken by another POV in another scene/sequel).
    This all comes from the Snowflake guy – check him out. Search: Randy Ingermanson.

    New scene:
    I like the rawness of the stories; don’t like the intro para to every post that tells us you’re not going to play PC (put it at the end, or use a disclaimer link to it – I’d prefer a one-word disclaimer link at the beginning). Why? Because it’s what’s seen as your headline and anyone scrolling through the feeds will see that first and not the story. Is that what you want – readers to see the same thing every time they see your feed? I wouldn’t. The story matters; let the story catch their eye.
    My opinion only, and you know what they say about that …

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh, I understand. I should pay more attention on how I form every story. I see your point. Good observation.

      About the disclaimer, I unfortunately have to put it in a visible place and in full, because I had problems with some groups of people. This way if things escalate, I have a leverage and protection. Yes, it is annoying, but I have to leave it there.

      Your opinion matters to me. I know to listen and think, and I know to admit when I was wrong. I’ll try implementing your suggestions in my future work. Thank you for your time Cage. This is very valuable stuff you have said. πŸ˜€ Thanks once again.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I will let others do this while I peruse their feedback. But your blog content is quite impressive. There are different genres which you represent well and I enjoy those posts and stories that are not too technical. I particularly like your style of delivery with a mixture of humour. Though like everything else in life, there is always room for improvement. You do a good job here. Thank you. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Ok. Here I am. My favourite are:
    1- Lover in the sky
    2- Age of stone men
    3- Red beast
    4- Bliss for four people
    5- Big deal

    Why? the five of them got something in common: a sort of epic way of writing, mixed with a solemn way of expressing mystery and anticipating the tale to come…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh, I see. I totally agree. I was actually going for that “old feel” and epicness. πŸ˜€ I would say that Bliss for four people is the most comedic one, while the Lover in the sky stands as the most emotional one in your list. You choose the very different in style stories. I can see the logic why those got synced with you. πŸ˜€ Thanks for the comment Sergeant B. You’ve just made my day better. πŸ˜€

      Liked by 1 person

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