Bliss for four people


It’s been awhile since I prepared this, so I might forget to mention some ingredients. I will try to explain it the best way I can, so read carefully. Even before I start with the recipe, I must warn you about where you can find the things needed to make a Bliss. This will involve long time to find everything you need, but it is worth of trouble. Let’s say you have everything and start with the process of making Bliss, because I know you will manage somehow.

First of all, you need to find a Gorgonilite that is barely ripe and freshly delivered from the A3 B43 C13 D1 Bingo planet. If it’s not fresh, it will grow sad and you don’t want to eat something that’s sad do you? It will only make you sad and make you question your life, why did she left me, why couldn’t I keep my old job, where is Katniss Everdeen when you need her? etc.

Now, Gorgonilite is a naive creature, lucky you, because you can cheer him up before you put it in the pot. You would have to dance in circle and recite some dank song mixing two artist. If you wonder why, well – dancing in circles will disorient it and song will put it to sleep. It prefers the modern songs that have short lyrics and dumb message for some reason.

When Gorgonite is sleeping, you pick it up very gently and put in the pot. Very silently start adding water until Gorgonite is covered with it over it’s head and put the pot in the oven. Set temperature to 200 blistering Suns, and put a lock on the oven because you don’t want fully inflamed Gorgonite running around, burning down your house – Jennifer Lawrence style.

After you’ve done that, grab a can of “Zandors Best” and put on the earpieces. When you take the lid of, thousand Zandorian working class rebels will shout at you, because you never know what can is rigged to insults. Apparently, they wanted their goods to get on the royalty’s diner table and one time it succeeded, and royalty was fairly outraged. Instead of shutting down factories and spill blood, Kratorians find this new flavor tastier that the others and kept insisting that they get this “Surprise Cuss” in “Zandors Best”. Now workers got their bonus cracker with their beers and started cussing in the cans specially for the Kratiorian market.

At this time, oven will start dancing, so splash the “Zandors Best” at the stove and it will calm down when it recognizes the authority. When time of five light years passes, let the Gorgonilite cool in the stove and serve it with side of fermented brown beans.

But be carefull, you have exactly 20 minutes to eat it, or Gorgonilite will start turning to stone. To wash down the sand taste of Gorgonilite, use “Absolute Shame” in 1 liter bottle. Bliss is what happens in the stomach. Because Gorgonilite is turning to stone, solution in the Absolute Shame is reactive with the Gorgon related creature. You’ll get mean gasses, so when you fart feeling bloated, Bliss is what follows every fart. Opened windows are optional.


Jennifer Lawrence cooking

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18 thoughts on “Bliss for four people

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